November 13, 2018

My heart is heavy,
Full of too much love,
Your hundredth-second chance
Telling me how I don’t care
Or how I don’t try,
Confusion caused by your words
Spoken in a tongue
My heart doesn’t know;
Is that hatred you’re speaking,
Or delusion?

My heart is heavy
Full of too much forgiveness,
Your hundredth-second chance
Reminding me why
You only call in the morning,
Or why your toothbrush is gone,
Your absence more potent
Than your presence
When you’re lonely
And feeling remorse;
So, now you want to talk.

My heart is heavy
Full of benefit of the doubt,
Your hundredth-second chance
Whispering to me that you won’t change,
That this cycle won’t end,
Stuck forever
In a pattern of Fight Forget Fuck,
But I only see you sometimes
when you’re lonely
And feeling remorse
Over one hundred one chances
You know you didn’t deserve
And yet you took one more
Just to remind me how to hurt—
Your hundredth-second chance
Still not enough
For you to learn what love is.

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