Letting you go

like peroxide
poured on gashes
I received at young ages
I still feel your fingers
circling the scars
of every emotional injury
ever sustained
healing too slowly
Always looking back
Tripping over my own feet
seeing if you’re still there

like citrus
in paper cuts
from letters I write you
but never send
Goodbyes sprawled in thick ink
Forgiveness laced in cursive
All signed “love”
I still hear you saying
I love you
that first time
my eyes expanding
eager from so many nights
spent awake dreaming

like whiskey
leaving lights fuzzy
sounds too loud
Fire spreading in my lungs
Everything we should have said
Everything we never will
letters thick inked and laced
with heavy hand
heavier heart
beating briskly
I still feel your fingers
circling my wrist
calming down a storm

like separation
Too much we cannot control
Too much we have yet to learn
I still feel your fingers
circling my spine
as I crawl into bed
Bigger now than before
a swallowing sea of loss
Still learning to let you go.